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TheJoker
27-02-2008, 02:06 PM
Another humorous list from the web to have a laugh at.

Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian


10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."

3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

Basil
27-02-2008, 02:11 PM
There you go. Better now? Now how about one for the English? ;)

Igor_Goldenberg
27-02-2008, 02:16 PM
There you go. Better now? Now how about one for the English? ;)
What do you mean?

Igor_Goldenberg
27-02-2008, 02:19 PM
A rabbi is talking to the priest:
-I know you are very intelligent and educated man. How can you believe that a man can be killed, then resurrect and fly into sky?
- Well, how can you believe that the sea can part the way to the huge number of people?
- But it's true!

Igor_Goldenberg
27-02-2008, 02:22 PM
A catholic priest is talking to a rabbi:
- I heard that you are not to anything anything made from pork. As we are a good friends, just between you and me, did you ever try?
- Yes
- Did you like it?
- It's not bad. I heard that you are not to have sex. As we are a good friends, just between you and me, did you ever try?
- Yes
- Isn't it much better then the pork?

Capablanca-Fan
27-02-2008, 03:09 PM
Another humorous list from the web to have a laugh at.

Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian
Guess I can't be one then :P But I'll play along in the spirit of this thread.

10: Sort of, but "outrage" is usually not part of my personality.
9. Y, although again, "feelings" are not relevant.
8. Y, just as I have no problem believing in one Armed Force comprising airforce, infantry and navy (http://www.creationontheweb.com/content/view/3632/).
7. NP, cf. the far higher number of atheistic atrocities of Stalin, Mao and Pol Pot.
6. No sexual act with the Virgin Mary by definition; so different from pagan legends of sex between gods and mortals (http://creationontheweb.com/content/view/2875/#Pagan).
5. Y, trust reliable eye-witnesses over flawed dating methods (http://creationontheweb.com/content/view/470)
4. Y, but Hell is eternal shame (http://www.tektonics.org/gk/hello.html) as God grants their wish to be separated from Him, rather than torture.
3. Doesn't apply to me in the slightest.
2. Irrelevant to me.
1. Definitely doesn't apply to me, since I know much more than most atheists and agnostics about those things.

See also You may be a fundamentalist atheist if... (http://www.tektonics.org/parody/fundyath.html)

Miguel
27-02-2008, 03:15 PM
Now how about one for the English?
Since you're having trouble, is this (http://www.whoohoo.co.uk/) better?

10 - yous vigorously deny da existence hof thousands hof gods claimed by uva religions, but feel outraged whun someone denies da existence hof yours.

;)

Capablanca-Fan
27-02-2008, 03:18 PM
Fatal Things to Say When Your Wife's Pregnant


I finished the Oreos.

Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs 40 pounds.

Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby!

I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever!

Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the Wallabies test.

Darned if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella.

Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt.

Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!

I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?

Are your ankles supposed to look like that?

Get your *own* ice cream.

Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today.

Got milk ?

Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney?

Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!

Retaining water? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water...

Your stomach sticks out almost as much as your ass!

You don't have the guts to pull that trigger...

Capablanca-Fan
27-02-2008, 03:25 PM
Priest, Preacher, Rabbi and The Bear

A priest, a rabbi and a Pentecostal preacher all served as chaplains to the students of a very large college campus that shall remain unnamed. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk "shop".

One day someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.

Well, one thing led to another and before it was over they decided to do a 7 day experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear and preach to it.

It's now 7 days later and they're all together to discuss the experience.

Father O'Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages goes first.

"Wellll," he says in a fine Irish brouge, "Oi wint oot into th' wooods to foind me a bearr. Oond when Oi fund him Oi began to rread to him from the Baltimorre Chatecism.

Welll, thet bearr wanted naught to do wi' me und begun to slap me aboot. So I quick grrabbed me holy water and, THE SEHNTS BE PRAISED, he became as gintle as a lamb. The bishop is cooming oot next wik to give him fierst communion und confierrmation."

Reverend Billy Bob speaks next. He's in a wheel chair, with an arm and both legs in casts and an I.V. drip.

In his best fire and brimstone oratory he proclaims, "WELL brothers ....you KNOW that we don't sprinkle...
.....WE DUNK! I went out and I FOUND me a bear.
And then I began to read to him from Lord's HOOOOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me.
I SAY NO! He wanted NOTHING to do with me. So I took HOOOLD of him and we began to rassle. We rassled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another untill we come to a crick. So'se I quick DUNK him and BAPTIZE his hairy soul. An' jus like you you sez, he wuz gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the week in fellowship, feasting on Lord's HOOOOLY word."

They both look down at the rabbi who's laying in a hospital bed. He's in a body cast & traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him.

The rabbi looks up and says, "Oy veh! You don't know what tough is until you try to circumcise one!"

Capablanca-Fan
27-02-2008, 03:43 PM
Holiday Greetings to Everyone

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, nonaddictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter/summer solstice holiday, practised with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2008, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great (not to imply that it is necessarily greater than any other country) and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:
This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

Disclaimer:
No trees were harmed in the sending of this message; however, a significant number of electrons were slightly inconvenienced.

Capablanca-Fan
27-02-2008, 03:56 PM
HOW TO SPEAK NEW ZULANDER — [ FOR BIST EFFICT, RID THESE OUT ALOUD]


Milburn ............... capital of Victoria
Peck .................. to fill a suitcase
Pissed aside .......... chemical which kills insects
Pigs .................. for hanging out washing with
Pug ................... large pink animal with a curly tail
Nin tin dough ......... computer game
Munner stroney ........ soup
Min ................... male of the species
Mess Kara ............. eye makeup
McKennock ............. person who fixes cars
Mere .................. Mayor
Leather ............... foam produced from soap
Lift .................. departed
Kiri Pecker ........... famous Australian businessman
Kittle crusps ......... potato chips
Ken's ................. Cairns
Jumbo ................. pet name for someone called James
Jungle Bills .......... Christmas carol
Inner me .............. enemy
Guess ................. vapour
F'sh .................. marine creatures
Fitter cheney ......... type of pasta
Ever cardeau .......... avocado
Fear hear ............. blonde
Ear ................... mix of nitrogen and oxygen
Ear roebucks .......... exercise at the gym
Duffy cult ............ not easy
Amejen ................ visualise
Day old chuck ......... very young poultry
Bug hut ............... popular recording
Bun button ............ blasted mozzie got me
Beard ................. a place to sleep
Chully Bn ............ Esky
Sucks Peck ............ Half a dozen beers
Ear New Zulland ....... an extinct airline
Beers ................. large savage animals found in U.S. forests
Veerj'n ............... mythical New Zealand maiden
One Doze .............. well known computer program
Br'dge ................ structure spanning a stream
Sex ................... one less than sivven
Tin ................... one more than nine
Iggs Ecktly ........... Precisely
Earplane .............. large flying machine
Beggage Ch'ck'n ....... place to leave your suitcase at the earport
Sivven Sucks Sivven ... large Boeing aircraft
Sivven Four Sivven .... larger Boeing aircraft
Cuds .................. children
Pits .................. domestic animals
Cuttin ................ baby cat
M'nce ................. usually served on toast
Key Tongue .................former Prime Minister of Australia

Axiom
27-02-2008, 04:59 PM
Jono, how exactly did the new zealanders manage to screw up so many vowell sounds ? ie. a, i , e , u
How did 'o' escape ?

Capablanca-Fan
27-02-2008, 05:42 PM
Jono, how exactly did the new zealanders manage to screw up so many vowell sounds ? ie. a, i , e , u
How did 'o' escape ?
O and U both managed to escape. There has been a general vowel shift in the others that had run-on effects. As the short a sound became flatter (as far as the shape of the mouth is concerned) tending to a short e, this sound in turn became flatter still to maintain the difference, so it tended to the short i. The Kiwi short i was displaced so it became a [ə] (schwa) or was dropped, not like an Australian short u despite all the jokes.

We have recordings of the native New Zealand accent throughout its history. It became distinctive long ago, as shown by recordings of Kiwis born from 1851 to 1910 (http://www.abc.net.au/rn/arts/ling/stories/s1324569.htm), mainly in places where there was lots of ethnic mixing.

But there also has been noticable change over the last 50 years (http://www.assta.org/sst/2004/proceedings/papers/sst2004-393.pdf).

FWIW my American wife thinks I sound fairly Australian but sound more Kiwi when I'm tired.

Basil
27-02-2008, 06:25 PM
Multi HCD payout, folks!

Miguel - $20 HCDs for da Ali G (among others) translator in post #7
Jono - While not your work (I suspect), have $50 HCDs for post #11

BTW, anyone who doesn't laugh out loud more than once while doing post #11 has serious issues. LMAO.

Southpaw Jim
27-02-2008, 09:11 PM
Fatal Things to Say When Your Wife's Pregnant

LOL, my wife's due in 4 weeks... :lol:

Maybe not Oreos, but definitely Tim Tams...

Adamski
27-02-2008, 10:48 PM
Another humorous list from the web to have a laugh at.

Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian


10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."

3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.
Hi Joker,

Why are they posted in reverse order? Number 1 has no humour at all. "Fundamentalism" was discussed on another thread (probably the enormous Does God Exist one- somewhere!) but I agree to being a "fundamentalist" Christian only under the original definition of the term - which goes back to some "fundamentals" of the faith. The trouble today is the term is too loaded - and one gets tarred with the same 'orrible brush as fundamentalist Muslims...I own a book by theologian J I Packer called "Fundamentalism and the Word of God", and I agree with most of what it says but today would change the label. For me the best one is "Bible-believing Christian".

Adamski
27-02-2008, 10:59 PM
Multi HCD payout, folks!

Miguel - $20 HCDs for da Ali G (among others) translator in post #7
Jono - While not your work (I suspect), have $50 HCDs for post #11

BTW, anyone who doesn't laugh out loud more than once while doing post #11 has serious issues. LMAO.There are of course many jokes that are current in New Zealand about how Aussies and Poms speak...But that would be getting off topic. When I first got here young "friends" (and sort of enemies too) of my son often tried to get me to say the integer between 5 and 7 and broke into laughter thereafter if they succeeded. That doesn't happen now so I think my kiwi accent is on the way out. Also, I no longer get any phone operator at any organisation saying "ah, you're a kiwi" as soon as I have spoken...

bergil
28-02-2008, 01:53 AM
[B][SIZE="3"]BTW, anyone who doesn't laugh out loud more than once while doing post #11 has serious issues. LMAO.I have serious issues. :shhh:

Kevin Bonham
28-02-2008, 05:00 AM
The trouble today is the term is too loaded - and one gets tarred with the same 'orrible brush as fundamentalist Muslims...

So what is wrong with "fundamentalist Muslims" that is not also wrong with "fundamentalist Christians" - or do you believe all "fundamentalist Muslims" are active terrorists or supporters of terrorism?

Spiny Norman
28-02-2008, 05:51 AM
Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian

Good list Joker! I read it with alacrity, hoping to score at least 5/10 in order to maintain my suffering self-image ... alas, I scored 0/10 ... damn ...

Spiny Norman
28-02-2008, 05:53 AM
The following is not my own work, but hope you enjoy:

You know you're an Australian if:

1. You know the meaning of the word "girt".
2. You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.
3. You think it's normal to have a leader called Kevin.
4. You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse.
5. You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden.
6. You believe it is appropriate to put a rubber in your son's pencil case when he first attends school.
7. When you hear that an American "roots for his team" you wonder how often and with whom.
8. You understand that the phrase "a group of women wearing black thongs" refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds.
9. You pronounce Melbourne as "Mel-bin".
10. You pronounce Penrith as "Pen-riff".
11. You believe the "l" in the word "Australia" is optional.
12. You can translate: "Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas."
13. You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.
14. You call your best friend "a total bastard" but someone you really, truly despise is just "a bit of a bastard".
15. You think "Woolloomooloo" is a perfectly reasonable name for a place.
16. You're secretly proud of our killer wildlife.
17. You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice as big as its $2 coin.
18. You understand that "Wagga Wagga" can be abbreviated to "Wagga" but "Woy Woy" can't be called "Woy".
19. You believe that cooked-down axlegrease makes a good breakfast spread.
20. You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis.
21. Hamburger. With beetroot. Of course.
22. You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels' song /Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again/.
23. You believe, as an article of faith, that the confectionary known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year.
24. You still don't get why the "Labor" in "Australian Labor Party" is not spelt with a "u".
25. You wear Ug boots outside the house.
26. You believe, as an article of faith, that every important discovery in the world was made by an Australian but then sold off to the Yanks for a pittance.
27. You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them.
28. Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language.
29. You understand that "excuse me" can sound rude, while "scuse me" is always polite.
30. You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasion via your nose.
31. You understand that "you" has a plural and that it's "youse".
32. You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle.
33. Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules for beach cricket.
34. You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call "Anzac cookies".
35. You still think of Kylie as "that girl off /Neighbours/".
36. When returning home from overseas, you expect to be brutally strip-searched by Customs - just in case you're trying to sneak in fruit.
37. You believe the phrase "smart casual" refers to a pair of black tracky-daks, suitably laundered.
38. You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction.
39. When working on a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer.
40. You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national anthem and then have trouble remembering the second.
41. You find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed essential in the government's new test for migrants.
42. You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one says "cobber".

Spiny Norman
28-02-2008, 06:01 AM
Also not my own work ... but enjoy!

You know you're a funamentalist atheist if:

1. You became an atheist when you were 10 years old, based on ideas of God that you learned in Sunday School. Your ideas about God haven't changed since.
2. You think that the primary aim of an omnibenevolent God is for people to have FUN.
3. You believe that extra drippy ice-cream is a logical proof against the existence of God, because an omniscient God would know how to stop the ice-cream from being extra drippy, an omnipotent God would have the ability to stop the ice-cream from being extra drippy, and by golly, an omnibenevolent God wouldn't want your ice-cream to be extra drippy.
4. Although you've memorized a half a dozen proofs that He doesn't exist, you still think you're God's gift to the ignorant masses.
5. You believe the astronomical size of the universe somehow disproves God, as if God needed a tiny universe in order to exist.
6. You think questions like, "Can God create a rock so big that He cannot lift it?" and, "Can God will Himself out of existence?" are perfect examples of how to disprove God's omnipotence and ultimately how to disprove God. When someone proves to you the false logic behind the questions (i.e. pitting God's omnipotence against itself), you desperately try to defend the questions, but then give up and go to a different Christian site to ask them.
7. Related to the above, you spend a great deal of your spare time writing to Christian websites asking them these very questions.
8. You declare on a public forum that you are "furious at God for not existing."
9. You spend hours arguing that a-theism actually means "without a belief in God " and not just " belief that there is no god" as if this is a meaningful distinction in real life.
10. You consistently deny the existence of God because you personally have never seen him but you reject out of hand personal testimony from theists who claim to have experienced God as a reality in their lives.
11. You can make the existence of fairies at the bottom of the garden the centerpiece of a philosophical critique.
12. You insist that "the burden of proof is on he that alleges/accuses", and "it's impossible to prove a negative", then state "That's what Christians do. They lie. Their most common lie is that they were once atheists." When reminded about the burden of proof bit, you reply with, "Well, prove Christians don't lie!"
13. You adamantly believe that the "God of the gaps" idea is an essential tenet of orthodox Christian faith espoused by all the great Christian thinkers throughout history.
14. When you were a child, someone came down with a deadly disease and prayed and prayed for God to take it away. God did not remove the disease and your friend died. You ask other Christians why they had to die when they were such a nice person and never harmed anyone. Dissatisfied with their answers, you suddenly decide that there is no God and that all Christians are nothing but lying, conniving con artists and hypocrites....all that is except for your friend who died.
15. You call a view held by less than ten percent of the American public "common sense".
16. You're a spoiled fifteen year old boy who lives in the suburbs and you go into a chat room to declare that, "I know there is no God because no loving God would allow anyone to suffer as much as I have ... hold on. My cell phone's ringing."
17. You attack your fellow atheists, who hold the "belief that there is no god", calling them "liars," and state that, "I do not deny the existence of any god. I just don't believe in any." Then you tell someone that their God is "made up." When someone calls you on this, you state, "I never made such a claim."
18. Going with the definition of "without a belief in God", you insist that all people are born atheists, and that dogs, cats, rocks, and trees are as well. You make statements like, "My dog is an atheist. Ask him about his lack of belief."
19. You believe that if something cannot be touched, seen, heard, or measured in some way, then it must not exist, yet you fail to see the irony of your calling Christians "narrow-minded".
20. You say that there is no God and that those who believe in God do so in blind faith, yet your claim that there is no God also rests on blind faith.
21. While you don't believe in God, you feel justified on bashing God or attacking those who believe in something that you KNOW doesn't exist, yet fighting against or even discussing about a non-existent being are conceivably the symptoms of mental illness!
22. You complain when Christians appeal to their emotions when justifying their belief in God yet you feel justified on appealing to your emotions for lack of belief in God.
23. You blame God for the starvation, sickness, pain and suffering in the world...when, indeed, it is MAN's greed, politics, selfishness and apathy that not only causes, but also ignores the sick and the starving masses.

TheJoker
28-02-2008, 08:16 AM
Hi Joker,

Why are they posted in reverse order? Number 1 has no humour at all. It was discussed on another thread (probably the enormous Dose Gos Exist oner - somewhere!) but I agree to being a "fundamentalist" Christian only under the original definition of the term - which goes back to some "fundamentals" of the faith. The trouble today is the term is too loaded - and one gets tarred with the same 'orrible brush as fundamentalist Muslims...I own a book by theologian J I Packer called "Fundamentalism and the Word of God", and I agree with most of what it says but today would change the label. For me the best one is "Bible-believing Christian".

Not sure about the reverse just posted the list as it appeared on the web. Yeah I also thought that number one was pretty lame.

TheJoker
28-02-2008, 08:28 AM
The following is not my own work, but hope you enjoy:

You know you're an Australian if...:


Bloody Ripper, Spiny:lol:

Igor_Goldenberg
28-02-2008, 08:42 AM
All those lists are interesting, some funny, some even very funny, but the "lefty" list is still the best!

Basil
28-02-2008, 09:09 AM
LOL, my wife's due in 4 weeks... :lol:
Where's she been?

Seriously. That's wonderful for you both. GL.

Basil
28-02-2008, 09:19 AM
Funny stuff, Spiny. Apologies for repeating, but FWIW, these were my favs:

3. You think it's normal to have a leader called Kevin (apologies to Kevin Bonham - hey! I was christened 'Howard').
11. You believe the "l" in the word "Australia" is optional.
16. You're secretly proud of our killer wildlife.
22. You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels' song /Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again/.
27. You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them.
29. You understand that "excuse me" can sound rude, while "scuse me" is always polite.

Capablanca-Fan
28-02-2008, 09:29 AM
So what is wrong with "fundamentalist Muslims" that is not also wrong with "fundamentalist Christians" — or do you believe all "fundamentalist Muslims" are active terrorists or supporters of terrorism?
Because "fundamentalist Muslim" is usually used of terrorists. Fundamentalist Christian historically meant one who accepted the five fundamentals of the faith adopted by the General Assembly of the Presbyterian Church of the USA in 1910:


miracles of Christ
virgin birth of Christ
substitutionary atonement of Christ
bodily resurrection of Christ
inspiration of Scripture


Muslim's accept 1 and 2, but not the others, so "fundamentalist Muslim" is an oxymoron.

Kevin Bonham
28-02-2008, 09:57 AM
Because "fundamentalist Muslim" is usually used of terrorists.

By the Rightmedia, perhaps.

Prior to the obsessive terror panics of the last several years the term was widely used to refer to Muslims who were simply devoted to their texts in the same way "fundamentalist Christians" are. Indeed, I suspect it is still mainly used in that way.


Muslim's accept 1 and 2, but not the others, so "fundamentalist Muslim" is an oxymoron.

That doesn't make sense; one doesn't have to be a Christian fundie to be a fundie.

My OMED (which is slightly pre-terror) gives two definitions of fundamentalism, one referring specifically to Protestant fundies, and the other referring to "strict maintenance of ancient or fundamental doctrines of any religion, esp Islam."

Note that this rules out "fundamentalist atheist" (atheism not being a religion and having no ancient or fundamental doctrines) - a linguistic concoction which is another lame attempt by some Christians to drag atheism down to their level. Why they need to do this when "village atheist" is quite an effective insult towards a certain kind of "atheistic" tryhard is beyond me.

Re the list posted by Spiny Norman (which I seem to remember giving short shrift some other time), concerning #18 a sign I saw nearby to repel door-to-door preachers read "Christians Beware: Atheist Guard Dog".

Of the rest of that over-laboured list, #9 actually is a meaningful distinction, unless you are a silly Christian who believes both camps will go to Hell.

#19 is an argument by insult - basically saying that if you hold a view of existence that does not allow for the existence of things that are completely undemonstrable, then you must be "narrow-minded", which is spurious. It also ignores the fact that most accusations of narrow-mindedness against some Christians result from their attempts to impose their lifestyle by force, and not from mere differences of opinion.

#23 is an attempt to get God out of blame for having allowed humans to create suffering for others (much of it senseless) in the first place.

Capablanca-Fan
28-02-2008, 11:19 AM
By the Rightmedia, perhaps.
Come off it. The leftmedia (not sure who these rightmedia are) often use the term Fundamentalist Muslim to distinguish the terrorists from the alleged moderate majority in the "religion of peace".


Note that this rules out "fundamentalist atheist" (atheism not being a religion and having no ancient or fundamental doctrines) - a linguistic concoction which is another lame attempt by some Christians to drag atheism down to their level.
Consider it a compliment that atheists are dragged up to our level when it comes to devotion and dogmatism :P


#23 is an attempt to get God out of blame for having allowed humans to create suffering for others (much of it senseless) in the first place.
As opposed to giving you a splitting headache every time you had an atheistic thought ...

Miguel
28-02-2008, 11:29 AM
You know you're not a Fundamentalist Atheist™ if your default answer when you can't give a rational explanation is "Magic man done it", rather than "I don't know".

Kevin Bonham
28-02-2008, 11:29 AM
Come off it. The leftmedia (not sure who these rightmedia are) often use the term Fundamentalist Muslim to distinguish the terrorists from the alleged moderate majority in the "religion of peace".

Examples?


Consider it a compliment that atheists are dragged up to our level when it comes to devotion and dogmatism :P

All atheists?


As opposed to giving you a splitting headache every time you had an atheistic thought ...

Relevance?

Capablanca-Fan
28-02-2008, 11:43 AM
You know you're not a Fundamentalist Atheist™ if your default answer when you can't give a rational explanation is "Magic man done it", rather than "I don't know".
I guess I'm not one then, cf. an article I wrote in 2000 (http://creationontheweb.com/content/view/2891/#Naturalism).

Aaron Guthrie
28-02-2008, 11:46 AM
36. When returning home from overseas, you expect to be brutally strip-searched by Customs - just in case you're trying to sneak in fruit.It's true! Whenever I return from Victoria, NSW etc. the thing that most concerns me is that possible apple in my luggage.

pax
28-02-2008, 12:13 PM
not sure who these rightmedia are
You should know, since your media links and quotes invariably come from them.

Capablanca-Fan
28-02-2008, 01:45 PM
You should know, since your media links and quotes invariably come from them.
I generally cite commentators who are not part of the media establishment. The mainstream media far to often resort to leftist commentary masquerading as reportage.

Adamski
28-02-2008, 09:07 PM
So what is wrong with "fundamentalist Muslims" that is not also wrong with "fundamentalist Christians" - or do you believe all "fundamentalist Muslims" are active terrorists or supporters of terrorism?I agree with what Jono said on this, Kevin, but would add I think it's better not to use either "f" term. I prefer "Bible-believing Christian" and "Sunni" or "Shi-ite" (or even terrorist, if accurate, as in Osama Bin Laden) Muslim as appropriate.

Kevin Bonham
28-02-2008, 10:07 PM
I agree with what Jono said on this, Kevin, but would add I think it's better not to use either "f" term. I prefer "Bible-believing Christian" and "Sunni" or "Shi-ite" (or even terrorist, if accurate, as in Osama Bin Laden) Muslim as appropriate.

But there are plenty of Christians who aren't the sort being discussed here who are mostly "Bible-believing"; they may just not believe quite all of it! And not all Sunnis and Shi-ites are radicals/literalists/whatever - they have their moderates too.

Kevin Bonham
28-02-2008, 10:10 PM
I generally cite commentators who are not part of the media establishment.

Andrew Bolt is a commentator but is very much part of the media establishment.


The mainstream media far to often resort to leftist commentary masquerading as reportage.

I'd just omit the word "leftist" there.

The mainstream media, as a general rule with some exceptions, are prone to be sensationalist and lazy. These traits can skew articles in more or less any political direction, but a person who is strongly on one side of the fence tends to perceive a bias towards the other. Leftists are often found whinging about how right-wing newspapers are, especially tabloids like the "Herald Sun".

Adamski
28-02-2008, 10:25 PM
But there are plenty of Christians who aren't the sort being discussed here who are mostly "Bible-believing"; they may just not believe quite all of it! And not all Sunnis and Shi-ites are radicals/literalists/whatever - they have their moderates too.Maybe I have been reading too much Mangafranga / Jono logic (see the "You know you're a lefty if... " thread), but "mostly Bible-believing", to me, is a contradiction in terms. Bible- believing means believing the whole Bible. So "mostly Bible-believing" does not really make sense.
I take your second point - not all Muslims are radical. I work with some non-radical ones...

Capablanca-Fan
28-02-2008, 10:48 PM
Andrew Bolt is a commentator but is very much part of the media establishment.
Here's the difference: Bolt is clearly identified as a commentator. The Leftmedia spew commentary over what are ostensibly their news stories, and of course part of the bias is the selection of which stories to print. We saw this recently with the New York Times smearing McCain but pussyfooting around Wilhelm Klinton, and the ABC not running Dr Nelson because he didn't join his cowardly colleagues in damning their last PM.

Kevin Bonham
29-02-2008, 12:05 AM
Here's the difference: Bolt is clearly identified as a commentator.

There are also plenty of leftist commentators who are clearly identified as such - I'm not sure Phillip Adams has done a day's real journalism in decades!

Capablanca-Fan
29-02-2008, 12:07 AM
There are also plenty of leftist commentators who are clearly identified as such — I'm not sure Phillip Adams has done a day's real journalism in decades!
You're certainly right there. But where is the right wing Phillip Adams on the taxpayer-finded ABC? And this doesn't address the problem of papers like the NYT clearly pushing a leftist agenda.

DanielBell
29-02-2008, 12:12 AM
O and U both managed to escape. There has been a general vowel shift in the others that had run-on effects. As the short a sound became flatter (as far as the shape of the mouth is concerned) tending to a short e, this sound in turn became flatter still to maintain the difference, so it tended to the short i. The Kiwi short i was displaced so it became a [ə] (schwa) or was dropped, not like an Australian short u despite all the jokes.

We have recordings of the native New Zealand accent throughout its history. It became distinctive long ago, as shown by recordings of Kiwis born from 1851 to 1910 (http://www.abc.net.au/rn/arts/ling/stories/s1324569.htm), mainly in places where there was lots of ethnic mixing.

But there also has been noticable change over the last 50 years (http://www.assta.org/sst/2004/proceedings/papers/sst2004-393.pdf).

FWIW my American wife thinks I sound fairly Australian but sound more Kiwi when I'm tired.

My girlfriend said that I sound Australian generally but when I say "Beer"/"Bear" and things like Dance/Can't (Darnce/Carnt) I sound kiwi.

I don't associate with any New Zealanders here so maybe that's why I lost my accent so quickly. My old man calls me a traitor and my brothers scold me for speaking Aussie, especially when I use Aussie slang. They thought 'servo' was hilarious, and my Girlfriend calling a slide a 'slippery dip' sent them into hysterics.. I think that is pretty silly too though :)

Basil
29-02-2008, 12:19 AM
...and things like Dance/Can't (Darnce/Carnt) I sound kiwi.
Don't ever lose the carnt. Good work. May the force be with you.


and my Girlfriend calling a slide a 'slippery dip' sent them into hysterics..
Agreed. Slippery-dip is the second funniest thing EVER said in the history of humanity. I still shake my head after 25 years.

DanielBell
29-02-2008, 01:25 AM
Don't ever lose the carnt. Good work. May the force be with you.


Agreed. Slippery-dip is the second funniest thing EVER said in the history of humanity. I still shake my head after 25 years.

What's #1?

We call an Eskie a CHILLY BIN (pronounced CHULLY BUN)

Capablanca-Fan
29-02-2008, 09:15 AM
My girlfriend said that I sound Australian generally but when I say "Beer"/"Bear" and things like Dance/Can't (Darnce/Carnt) I sound kiwi.
South Australians also say dahnce and cahnt.

Basil
29-02-2008, 10:36 AM
South Australians also say dahnce and cahnt.
In my circles, there seems to be a reverse cringe against the dance [rant]. It seems Striiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiines have decided that defending their crass version (to the very last) is OUT, and that they are collectively summoning the courage to say the 'gay, poncy' version as their love affair with Europe (expanded horizons) increases.

Howls from the great unwashed and those who are yet to turn may be placed below the line. Please include insults towards me, the Queen and what ever else is required to be clutched during the lashing out process. It's always a welcome spectacle ;)

________________________________________

Aaron Guthrie
29-02-2008, 02:07 PM
In my circles, there seems to be a reverse cringe against the dance [rant]. It seems Striiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiines have decided that defending their crass version (to the very last) is OUT, and that they are collectively summoning the courage to say the 'gay, poncy' version as their love affair with Europe (expanded horizons) increases.Could this have anything to do with the gradual expansion of Farmers Union Iced Coffee to the eastern states? Does it mean that SA will get even more poncy? These are the questions which will haunt us all.

Kevin Bonham
29-02-2008, 11:42 PM
Could this have anything to do with the gradual expansion of Farmers Union Iced Coffee to the eastern states?

It's been quite well established in Tas for several years. I have yet to try the "STRONG" version, however, which has only just arrived here.

Southpaw Jim
05-03-2008, 07:57 AM
Moses got wasted on Mount Sinai! (http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2008/03/04/2179961.htm)

Capablanca-Fan
05-03-2008, 09:31 AM
Moses got wasted on Mount Sinai! (http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2008/03/04/2179961.htm)
Hardly surprising that the Atheist Bolsheviks Collective would run with a crackpot story by a self-confessed druggie if it means attacking the Bible. Also not surprising that one of our resident self-confessed Lefties would love it. :P

Southpaw Jim
05-03-2008, 09:43 AM
Why is it crackpot? Sounds quite plausible to me.

You have proof that it is untrue?

Igor_Goldenberg
05-03-2008, 10:05 AM
Why is it crackpot? Sounds quite plausible to me.

You have proof that it is untrue?
The logic of the article:

"When I am drugged, I hear voices.
Therefore, when someone hears a voice, he must be drugged."

In this case the onus is on the author.

Southpaw Jim
05-03-2008, 11:39 AM
In this case the onus is on the author.
Says who?

Capablanca-Fan
05-03-2008, 12:42 PM
Says who?
I thought Igor explained the fallacy of affirming the consequent (http://creationontheweb.com/content/view/1860/#implication) lucidly.

Aaron Guthrie
05-03-2008, 02:34 PM
That is just a news report, I don't think the journal article should be judged on that.