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  1. #1
    Account Permanently Banned PHAT's Avatar
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    A Player's Pen is Their Necktie.

    It is often said you can tell a lot about people from such things as: Condition of your shoes; The style of your tie; Thickness of foundation (make-up); Smell; Your watch; Mode of greeting; et cetera. What can you tell about somone's playing style from their pen?

    A borrowed KENO pencil = Unprepared and unwilling to accept draw offers.

    Pen with spring mounted fluffy toy = Confident and cannot be intimidated.

    Blue medium point BIC = Solid and no nonsence orthadox plans.

    Fountain pen = Accumulater of small advantages.

    What is your usual pen and what information are you displaying to your opponent about your play?

  2. #2
    . eclectic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Matthew Sweeney
    It is often said you can tell a lot about people from such things as: Condition of your shoes; The style of your tie; Thickness of foundation (make-up); Smell; Your watch; Mode of greeting; et cetera. What can you tell about somone's playing style from their pen?

    A borrowed KENO pencil = Unprepared and unwilling to accept draw offers.

    Pen with spring mounted fluffy toy = Confident and cannot be intimidated.

    Blue medium point BIC = Solid and no nonsence orthadox plans.

    Fountain pen = Accumulater of small advantages.

    What is your usual pen and what information are you displaying to your opponent about your play?
    i bring along a calligraphy set so i can vary my ink and nibs according to the opponent and my mood at the time

    yeah ... right ...
    .

  3. #3
    CC FIDE Master
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    Quote Originally Posted by eclectic
    i bring along a calligraphy set so i can vary my ink and nibs according to the opponent and my mood at the time
    What a great idea! I'm going to start doing this.
    Dyslexics of the world untie

  4. #4
    CC International Master ElevatorEscapee's Avatar
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    click... click... click... click... click... click... click..Click..CLICK..CLICK... .... CLICK.... CLICK!!!!... CLICK!!!! ... CLICK!!!!.............................

    A couple of times I have played against a person infamous for their habit of clicking their clickable pens during their games as a nervous habit and thereby unintentionally distracting their opponents whilst remaining oblivious to the possible annoyance their opponent may suffer.

    This person seemed quite surprised when I offered them the use of one of my own, non-clickable pens at the start of one of our games.

    "Oh, don't bother, I have my own!" click ... click.... click
    "On my chess set, all the pawns are Hamburglers" ~ Homer Simpson.

  5. #5
    . eclectic's Avatar
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    you need to rig their mobile phone so that it goes ....

    Quote Originally Posted by ElevatorEscapee
    click... click... click... click... click... click... click..Click..CLICK..CLICK... .... CLICK.... CLICK!!!!... CLICK!!!! ... CLICK!!!!.............................
    at just the right moment for you ...
    .

  6. #6
    CC FIDE Master Phil Bourke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ElevatorEscapee
    click... click... click... click... click... click... click..Click..CLICK..CLICK... .... CLICK.... CLICK!!!!... CLICK!!!! ... CLICK!!!!.............................

    A couple of times I have played against a person infamous for their habit of clicking their clickable pens during their games as a nervous habit and thereby unintentionally distracting their opponents whilst remaining oblivious to the possible annoyance their opponent may suffer.

    This person seemed quite surprised when I offered them the use of one of my own, non-clickable pens at the start of one of our games.

    "Oh, don't bother, I have my own!" click ... click.... click
    Just remind him that Peter Schneidas murdered a prison officer with a claw hammer because the prison officer's habit of clicking his pen with his teeth as he counted the prisoner's going through gates annoyed him.
    Not making light of that incident, but it does highlight how a seemingly harmless habit, may at the wrong time be the fuse for a totally regretable act.
    I dislike playing people who eat whilst playing, not so much the eating, but they have their lollies in their plastic bags, and those bags crackling in a quietened room........ Well, we have all sat at the cinema and withstood some kid eating his bag of chips during the movie, haven't we
    Get into chess, its a lifetime of enjoyment!
    Blayney Chess Club is online
    http://blayneychessclub.com

  7. #7
    CC International Master ElevatorEscapee's Avatar
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    Smile What a splendid idea!

    Hey Matt, I think you have a great idea here!

    I began thinking, "what would Matt think if his opponent showed up wearing a necktie... "... then I had another thought, "Hey, wouldn't it be funny if someone were to sit down to play a game against Matt wearing a tie, and start writing their moves down with (a pen concealed in) the end of their tie!"

    A bit more thinking (plus another beer), and the "necktie pen" seems a bloody great idea!

    I wear a neck tie to work every weekday, one of the frustrations that I have with it is that it will fly over my sholder on a windy day... it wouldn't fly about so easily if it had a pen as a counterweight at the tip!

    Hey Matt, we could make some money out of this idea! How about we go into business and market this!

    I can see the informercial now...

    Voiceover guy in American accent:

    "Ever gone to a meeting and forgotten your pen?" (Video of man in suit wearing a tie at a meeting, desperately searching his pockets for a pen to write something down).

    "Ever had someone accidentally steal your pen five minutes before you really need it?" (Video of cashier and customer looking over a document, cashier hands customer pen, customer signs document, both smile at one another, cashier takes document, customer pockets pen and walks out. Cashier then answers phone call, and searches around for pen to take message.)

    "Have you ever worried about how your tie looks on a windy day?" (Video of the back of a young man in suit, opening a door with the sign "job interview" on it. Camera changes to behind shot of interviewers, depicting the same young man from the front with his tie akimbo).

    "Well now those days are gone with a great new invention from SweensCapee Enterprises... the NecktiePen!!!!"

    "NecktiePen, it's not just a great fashion accessory, it's a pen as well!"

    Testimonial 1:

    Camera focuses on a middle aged man sitting behind a desk wearing a white shirt and tie, beneath him the words "Chief Accountant". (In American accent, as we all trust Americans) "I wear a tie every day and I was always going to meetings and forgetting my pen, now with Necktiepen", (flourishes end of tie), "I am always ready to take notes!"

    Testimonial 2:

    Camera switches to African American disabled woman in business suit wearing tie, beneath her the words "President of Jewish Gay & Lesbian Association". [Focusing on minority groups - again in an American accent.] "I have always had to wear a tie to maintian my professional image, but I never liked it because I couldn't accessorize... now with my glittery NecktiePen I am the envy of all the girls in my Association!"

    Voiceoverguy: "You wan't more? If you order within the next five minutes and pay by credit card, SweenScapee Enterprises will upgrade your NecktiePen to their newest model: the NecktiePenWatch (which has a handy and futuristic digital watch added to the side!)

    ================================================== ====

    However, I can also envisage some minor problems...

    Testimonial 3:

    "I bought NecktiePen, and now I have these blue ink stains on my white shirt that I can't get out!"

    and

    Testimonial 4:

    "I put NecktiePen in with my wash, now all my whites are blue!"

    Of course, we could always use these in our next SweenScapee Enterprises informercial for: "Big Matt's Blue Remover"

    Enter Big Matt wearing Hawaiian shirt "I'm Excited!..."
    "On my chess set, all the pawns are Hamburglers" ~ Homer Simpson.

  8. #8
    Account Permanently Banned PHAT's Avatar
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    Frankly, I think that the *Neck Tie Handkerchief* would have a better chance .... or maybe the *Pen Condom* ...... or maybe a *MacDonalds Fish Milkshake* ......... or maybe *Remote Control Steam Eyelash Curling Wand* ............. or maybe *The ACF Handbook on Good Chess Administration*

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