I first wrote this for the Bendigo Advertiser back in December 1996, the idea is to display a short game in a parody of the "Night berore Christmas" poem, which has been lampooned many a time.

Note that the line:
"but I must leave the board for at the porcelain, Percy must be pointed", was shortened by the sub-editor to "but I must leave" when it went to print, presumably for reasons of good taste.

'Twas the day after Xmas, and all through the Morn',
not a piece was stirring, not even a pawn.
Then two hungover players arised from their slumber,
"Today", said Mick, "I have your number".

When Mick opened with Pawn to e4,
Fred then responded, "I've seen this before".
Then with gusto Fred pushed his Pawn to e5,
and Mick replied, "A-ha I see", then placed his Knight on f3.

Fred replied "Your obvious play makes me sick",
and then played his Knight to c6.
Mick then responed, "I've warned you before",
and with emphasis he moved his Bishop to c4.

This left Fred exclaiming, "I see where your aiming,
I'll not have you disclaiming, my protection of f7,
without which, I may as well already be in heaven".

Then Fred said, "I'll defeat you, you bore",
and he replied with Knight to d4.

Mick cried with glee, "It seems I'll beat you this 'morn",
and he moved his Knight from f3 to capture the e5 pawn.

Then Fred said, "Your last move, by the the gods must be annointed,
but I must leave the board for at the porcelain, Percy must be pointed", **
and with that he left the room with a rush,
eager to find his openings' manual secluded behind the brush.

"Ah", whispered Mick, "of this position, I don't like the look.
So while he's out, from a8 I'll pinch a Rook".

Fred returned, and said "Something's wrong with this position,
what have you been up to while I've been missin'?
No matter, I'll flay you alive!",
and with that he played his Queen to g5.

"If I'm not mistaken, it seems you've forsaken
the protection of your f7 pawn",
cried Mick triumphantly,
"Now there's no chance of this game being drawn",
and with that he served to give Fred a fright,
and took the f7 pawn with his Knight.

"Oh, I see", said Fred clearly shook,
"Your Knight is forking my Queen and my Rook.
The only thing I can see is that your g2 pawn must be took".
With that he played Queen takes g2, and Mick said, "You're spoiling my fun, but it does not matter, this game is won!",
he then shunted his Rook to f1.

"You sound so sure", said Fred,
who then played Queen takes e4.
"Oh heck!", said Mick, "I see I'm in check,
but I see a way to block you",
and then he moved his Bishop to e2.

"Well this game's been great",
said Fred glancing at his watch,
"but if we don't finish soon I'll be late".
He then moved his Knight to f3 crying 'mate'.
And with that he dashed out in fear,
the curses of Mick ringing in his ears.

"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good mate".

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