View Poll Results: Which situation would you prefer?

Voters
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  • To love someone but them not love you in return

    1 11.11%
  • For someone to love you but not love them in return

    0 0%
  • To not be in a relationship (that would involve either 1 or 2)

    8 88.89%
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Thread: Love?

  1. #1
    CC Grandmaster Alan Shore's Avatar
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    Love?

    What are your thoughts? (This thread can be used for all romance/relationship questions too I suppose.. (if chess players even know what love is, haha)).

    I've been in all three of the above situations over the past couple of years.. all so different and kind of difficult to say which was best. The first was the best emotionally, the second was the best physically and the last was the best productively. Perhaps people can also share some experiences.
    "I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then."
    - White Queen, Alice through the Looking-Glass

  2. #2
    CC International Master Mischa's Avatar
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    I think you might have to define what you mean by love.
    In love, in lust, or loving as in caring deeply.
    And yes they are all separate but can be all felt for the one person

  3. #3
    . eclectic's Avatar
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    no poll option for both sides loving equally and mutually?

    belthasar,

    come here



    eclectic
    .

  4. #4
    CC Grandmaster Alan Shore's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mischa
    I think you might have to define what you mean by love.
    In love, in lust, or loving as in caring deeply.
    And yes they are all separate but can be all felt for the one person
    Love, not just lust or caring (most people would have felt both of those without really being 'in love') and however you subjectively view it in your mind.

    Quote Originally Posted by eclectic
    no poll option for both sides loving equally and mutually?

    belthasar,

    come here



    eclectic
    Well obviously.. cos everyone would just pick that option, wouldn't they?
    "I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then."
    - White Queen, Alice through the Looking-Glass

  5. #5
    Monster of the deep Kevin Bonham's Avatar
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    My current view is that it is better to be totally single than to waste time in one-way relationships. Save the emotional energy and the efforts involved for something that might actually work.

    The first situation - used to fall into this trap on an irregular basis when much younger but I now see no purpose in wasting that much emotion on people who aren't going to reciprocate. Usually I find that if somebody isn't interested, a close look at why they're not interested reveals things about them that makes too strong a positive emotion towards them pointless anyway.
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  6. #6
    . eclectic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kevin Bonham
    My current view is that it is better to be totally single than to waste time in one-way relationships. Save the emotional energy and the efforts involved for something that might actually work.

    The first situation - used to fall into this trap on an irregular basis when much younger but I now see no purpose in wasting that much emotion on people who aren't going to reciprocate. Usually I find that if somebody isn't interested, a close look at why they're not interested reveals things about them that makes too strong a positive emotion towards them pointless anyway.
    well said !!!!

    eclectic
    .

  7. #7
    CC International Master Mischa's Avatar
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    I have been in situations that are variations of the above as well and none of them are desirable postions to be in.
    Unrequited love tho...can hurt the most.

  8. #8
    Account Permanently Banned firegoat7's Avatar
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    Got to admit not a fan of this poll but I voted anyway.

    I voted "To love someone but them not love you in return"

    Now at first I though yeah Im pretty twisted, but then I 'felt' i could justify it within a certain context.

    Obviously love involves a relationship with another human being, that love ought to be unconditional, IMO. You don't choose who you love it just happens. Now before you all get sick and throw up I will make my point.

    Almost any parent will say they loved their romantic other at some point.
    But I think you would find few parents who said I love my romantic other half more then our offspring.
    I guess that is the thing about parenthood that is just awesome, you actually really love this little creature who at least in the first 3 months does nothing much but vomit, eat and keep you awake.
    Its not as if you want the love back (was that a smile or wind), you just love them, thats the way I feel anyway..its an absolutely fantastic feeling. Its way more intense then romance.

    Cheer Fg7

  9. #9
    CC International Master Bereaved's Avatar
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    Love is a many splendoured thing

    The notion of Love( the survey) seems to be a strange and vaguely amorphous approach to the notion of the human's need to be a happy or desired person in whatever capacity.

    Consider: the world that we now live in has an extreme fascination in the acquisition of money and the acquisition of the ways to make more money. When such things as these are becoming an ever increasing focus for people, it is little surprise that the problems being experienced by the respondants to this point are in the form that they are.

    In addition it is quite clear, though unstated, that the love in reference is of the interpersonal relationship level between two given parties, who are not blood related. This leaves aside the issue of the unrequited love that a child may feel for a parent who does not show it or vice versa.

    A small child approaches another small child in the playground with a very important question to ask: Will you play with me? Will you be my friend? Not what do you do for a living? or Where do you live? nor What kind of car do you drive?. My point is that in a subjective universe, which we all live in by the necessity of being in one body the whole time, the amount of criteria under which we choose to assess/judge others leads almost invariably to us becoming increasingly unlikely to feel free enough to induce within ourselves and others a feeling of love.

    We should perhaps not be considering what type of faulty relationship we would like to avoid, or find least objectionable, but rather how can we stop seeing this as a thing to be assessed rather than experienced.

    I would take this to the broader level and suggest that rather than limiting who we love, we should love everybody!!

    Why would one want to put up such a large amount of bricks around oneself to exclude others when in truth, we should all be being friends?

    All that is required is a mindset where we try and do no action towards another person that we would not like ourselves. As far as the options on the survey as written, then undoubtedly to love and not have the love returned is surely the most painful and should be accepted within oneself as occuring, and an attempt made to move along to where the love is reciprocated.

    The second option sounds downright nasty if the connotation is that you in fact have no emotional attachment to the person, and even given that you do, it would seem that the person will continue to listen with an eavesdropping heart in the hope to hear those three words, which would be unfair unless you made it painfully clear that this was never going to happen, in which case I imagine that it wouldn't continue much past that point.

    Finally we are left with the option of accepting neither A or B, which ultimately seems wise, as how on earth do we expect that the wonderful can happen for us if we are already otherwise engaged in a not very hopeful situation whichever way you look at it.

    Finally, it is a little known fact ( or it seems to me at times ) that the actions speak louder than the words, and if one lived a life where the blatentness of one's warmth of feeling towards one's fellow persons was self evident to all, then one should not be concerned about the abscence of a relationship, or the maintenance of a faulty one, as it is only when you show that you have the qualities deserving of love that you will be loved.

    Codocil: I do not consider myself to be an expert on relationships, but I do believe myself to be an expert on love, as I am at all times aware of it in my world through the actions of my friends and family and community. As such I have no need to be anxious in this matter.

    If one allows oneself to love today,
    they will be loved tomorrow,

    and finally,

    There is so much good in the worst of us,
    And so much bad in the best of us,
    that it ill-behoves any of us,
    to speak ill of the rest of us
    --Alistair MacLellan

    Probably a bit over the top, but there you go,

    My best to you all, Macavity

    PS All you need is love - Beatles

    NB commenced before FG7's post, no criticism directed your way Sec

  10. #10
    CC FIDE Master Duff McKagan's Avatar
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    All this talk talk talk talk about something which none of us are writers enought to express. Just look at the way people are trying to objectively rationalise their choice for/against a subjective irrational feeling, love.

    The poll question can only be answered adiquitely by those of us who have experienced all three options.
    1. I never want to be hurt like that again.
    2. I never want to hurt someone like that again.
    3. By elimination of theses two we are left with, dont get into a one way relationship.

    Simple!!

    Cheers

  11. #11
    CC Grandmaster antichrist's Avatar
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    I love hating some people, and love them hating me as well.

    I did a poll here before and the majority was against the existence of true love, so don't expect much.

    Wonder if they believe in true hate?

    Why did you have to be a heart-breaker...

    Are you trying to put me out of business for setting up silly polls?

  12. #12
    Monster of the deep Kevin Bonham's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DuffMcKagan
    All this talk talk talk talk about something which none of us are writers enought to express.
    Actually, you're not reader enough to know that.

    I thought about being far more elaborate and writerly in my initial response but I decided that there were many more things I could say, but I did not want to say them here. I might have said some of them had this thread been in the Coffee Lounge.

    Just look at the way people are trying to objectively rationalise their choice for/against a subjective irrational feeling, love.
    I'm not trying to objectively rationalise anything. I'm saying that's the answer for me - of course it's a subjective response. Without necessarily agreeing with your claim that:

    The poll question can only be answered adiquitely by those of us who have experienced all three options.
    ,

    ... I do think that it is easier for at least some people to pick option (3) when they've been through a fair amount emotionally and learnt from a few mistakes (if they decide they are such - some people would think options 1 and 2 were not mistakes at all). Others just can't pick 3 in practice because they cannot deal with being alone. However, to say that everyone's real-life responses to choices like this have to be "irrational" would be a cliche. I've become very reliable at thinking out situations I don't want to be in and avoiding them in advance. If I make mistakes, it's in novel situations - not irrational repeats of previous ??s.
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  13. #13
    CC International Master WhiteElephant's Avatar
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    The human ideal is to love someone and be loved in return. All lesser states are equally bad.

  14. #14
    CC Grandmaster antichrist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WhiteElephant
    The human ideal is to love someone and be loved in return. All lesser states are equally bad.
    It can also be exactly the opposite, so there is no perfect answer, only relative answers.

  15. #15
    CC Grandmaster Alan Shore's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WhiteElephant
    The human ideal is to love someone and be loved in return. All lesser states are equally bad.
    What's interesting is how diverse it can be.. there are many, many ways to love someone. And it's a near impossibility to have love without conflict. So depending on one's emotional makeup, it may not always be the case that your scenario is best, despite its quixotic ideals.
    "I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then."
    - White Queen, Alice through the Looking-Glass

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