Alan Shore
02-09-2004, 06:07 AM
From the very old 'Forum' on the Auschess site, many years ago. This was in response to my own comments regarding the Queensland Junior rating system and how it gave unfair advantages to those players who played a large volume of rated games, namely those living on the Gold Coast. This is Jacob responding to Dr McKinnon, who devised the QJ system. Enjoy the humour.
Author: Jacob Edwards (circa. 1998).
MONEY, RATINGS, AND DISGRUNTLED MUTTERINGS
To Doctor 'Death' David McKinnon.
You may be a member of Club Bullwinkle, but I nevertheless feel it my
duty to disagree most vehemently with some of the things you have said
in response to Dion Sampson.
Chess organisers ARE ripping off the downtrodden masses who compete in
tournaments around Australia. The day of the 'happy volunteer' has
passed. Chess professionalism is eminently possible on an organisation
front, and many of our top 'organisers' (read con-artists) charge
exorbitant fees for their so-called services. I myself, sad to say, am
in no position to avoid the scythe-edge that is my own anger. Not only
do I gulp down free biscuits at CAQ council meetings (for a mere four to
five hours' investment of time), I recently went so far as to demand
money for DOPing a cadet tournament over two consecutive Sundays. My
contribution to the event was valued at $5 per hour (approximately 20
cents per game played), and if that's not enough to flee the country and
buy a condo in Puerto Rico, well, I don't know what is.
Six years of University education. You can't beat it.
I don't believe you practise medicine at all, MISTER McKinnon! Come on.
Admit it. All your income comes from producing the Queensland Junior
rating list, doesn't it?
Or perhaps you're a closet organiser of tournaments? It's quite a scam
you've got going there. I wonder whether Dion Sampson is aware that $100
out of every CAQ membership fee goes to the good Doctor in recompense
for organising mock junior events? Sure, junior memberships are only $25
or so, but this just goes to explain why CAQ finances are in such a bad
way, surely.
You've got a lot of explaining to do, Dok-tor!
And as for that junior rating system, well, that's just a load of
bollocks. Queensland is falling behind the times. We need to adopt the
new FIDE system. No, don't panic. It's really quite simple. Every time
you lose a game, your rating halves, and the points shed are injected
directly into the winner's rating. Easy to calculate. Tangible results.
Particularly accurate in reflecting a player's current form.
Better still, let's out-do FIDE! We could implement a ratings system
which, with the comprehensive analysis of computer technology, assesses
each player's strength after every move of every game, and updates
ratings accordingly. (Because, let's face it, if you leave a mate in one
on, then you're an 800 rated player for that particular minute.)
Sceptical, Doctor, or just afraid that the blind and trusting juniors
will discover the truth?
I have a dream, David, a grand vision for the future of Australian
chess. If the ACF vigorously pursues my policy, I feel confident that we
can generate not only enough money to satisfy the slack, parasitic
organisers such as you and I, but also enough to expand our membership
upwards towards infinity. If Australian chess moves in the right
direction, there is no reason why we cannot secure funds sufficient
enough to allow us to PAY PEOPLE TO BECOME MEMBERS!
STEP ONE: Expand our range of services. Currently the ACF is obsessed
with promoting chess. What a hideously limiting activity! Far more money
could be made from the vending of alcohol, not to mention drug
trafficking, prostitution and organised gambling. Even if these ventures
are seen as too ambitious, however, it is undeniable that the ACF could
make an absolute killing with idiot-o-grams, misinformed-o-grams, and
the ever-popular whine-o-grams. Gorilla-grams pale into insignificance
when you can hire a junior to turn up at somebody's party and start
singing, "I'm unhappy, you do nothing for me, my name's (insert name
here), and I want more!"
STEP TWO: Start a chess business, produce a glossy catalogue, and
occasionally pad it with some chess-related material. This, to my
knowledge, has never been done before, and could become a significant
money-earner if the State Associations force all their (millions of
newly-acquired) members to subscribe to it.
STEP THREE: Have the national champion decided by lottery from ALL THOSE
PEOPLE WHO HAVE DONATED $1000 OR MORE. (This, of course, is just an
expansion on my recent proposal to have the Queensland Champion drawn
out of a hat; sadly, due to the fact that there were biscuits but no
alcohol at the meeting, this was rejected.) To ensure that
multi-millionaires are not discriminated against, people should be given
separate entries for each $1000+ donation. But don't think for a moment
that the ACF would be 'selling out'. The champion, upon winning the
prestigious national chess lottery, should be careful to refer to chess
as a sport, and, I stress this in particular, he or she should not be
officially awarded the title without first touching a chess set.
(Video-link to be used for those who live in isolated regions.)
So what say you, Doctor McKinnon? Can you sit there in your apartment,
languidly typing up junior rating lists while pretending to hold down a
real job, and say with sincerity that you're not offering Queensland
juniors a raw deal?
My proposed system of organisation would provide juniors with
up-to-the-minute ratings, a glossy chess catalogue, and free money by
the bundle. What does yours offer?
Yours in 'chess',
Jacob Edwards
(traitor to the conspiracy)
Author: Jacob Edwards (circa. 1998).
MONEY, RATINGS, AND DISGRUNTLED MUTTERINGS
To Doctor 'Death' David McKinnon.
You may be a member of Club Bullwinkle, but I nevertheless feel it my
duty to disagree most vehemently with some of the things you have said
in response to Dion Sampson.
Chess organisers ARE ripping off the downtrodden masses who compete in
tournaments around Australia. The day of the 'happy volunteer' has
passed. Chess professionalism is eminently possible on an organisation
front, and many of our top 'organisers' (read con-artists) charge
exorbitant fees for their so-called services. I myself, sad to say, am
in no position to avoid the scythe-edge that is my own anger. Not only
do I gulp down free biscuits at CAQ council meetings (for a mere four to
five hours' investment of time), I recently went so far as to demand
money for DOPing a cadet tournament over two consecutive Sundays. My
contribution to the event was valued at $5 per hour (approximately 20
cents per game played), and if that's not enough to flee the country and
buy a condo in Puerto Rico, well, I don't know what is.
Six years of University education. You can't beat it.
I don't believe you practise medicine at all, MISTER McKinnon! Come on.
Admit it. All your income comes from producing the Queensland Junior
rating list, doesn't it?
Or perhaps you're a closet organiser of tournaments? It's quite a scam
you've got going there. I wonder whether Dion Sampson is aware that $100
out of every CAQ membership fee goes to the good Doctor in recompense
for organising mock junior events? Sure, junior memberships are only $25
or so, but this just goes to explain why CAQ finances are in such a bad
way, surely.
You've got a lot of explaining to do, Dok-tor!
And as for that junior rating system, well, that's just a load of
bollocks. Queensland is falling behind the times. We need to adopt the
new FIDE system. No, don't panic. It's really quite simple. Every time
you lose a game, your rating halves, and the points shed are injected
directly into the winner's rating. Easy to calculate. Tangible results.
Particularly accurate in reflecting a player's current form.
Better still, let's out-do FIDE! We could implement a ratings system
which, with the comprehensive analysis of computer technology, assesses
each player's strength after every move of every game, and updates
ratings accordingly. (Because, let's face it, if you leave a mate in one
on, then you're an 800 rated player for that particular minute.)
Sceptical, Doctor, or just afraid that the blind and trusting juniors
will discover the truth?
I have a dream, David, a grand vision for the future of Australian
chess. If the ACF vigorously pursues my policy, I feel confident that we
can generate not only enough money to satisfy the slack, parasitic
organisers such as you and I, but also enough to expand our membership
upwards towards infinity. If Australian chess moves in the right
direction, there is no reason why we cannot secure funds sufficient
enough to allow us to PAY PEOPLE TO BECOME MEMBERS!
STEP ONE: Expand our range of services. Currently the ACF is obsessed
with promoting chess. What a hideously limiting activity! Far more money
could be made from the vending of alcohol, not to mention drug
trafficking, prostitution and organised gambling. Even if these ventures
are seen as too ambitious, however, it is undeniable that the ACF could
make an absolute killing with idiot-o-grams, misinformed-o-grams, and
the ever-popular whine-o-grams. Gorilla-grams pale into insignificance
when you can hire a junior to turn up at somebody's party and start
singing, "I'm unhappy, you do nothing for me, my name's (insert name
here), and I want more!"
STEP TWO: Start a chess business, produce a glossy catalogue, and
occasionally pad it with some chess-related material. This, to my
knowledge, has never been done before, and could become a significant
money-earner if the State Associations force all their (millions of
newly-acquired) members to subscribe to it.
STEP THREE: Have the national champion decided by lottery from ALL THOSE
PEOPLE WHO HAVE DONATED $1000 OR MORE. (This, of course, is just an
expansion on my recent proposal to have the Queensland Champion drawn
out of a hat; sadly, due to the fact that there were biscuits but no
alcohol at the meeting, this was rejected.) To ensure that
multi-millionaires are not discriminated against, people should be given
separate entries for each $1000+ donation. But don't think for a moment
that the ACF would be 'selling out'. The champion, upon winning the
prestigious national chess lottery, should be careful to refer to chess
as a sport, and, I stress this in particular, he or she should not be
officially awarded the title without first touching a chess set.
(Video-link to be used for those who live in isolated regions.)
So what say you, Doctor McKinnon? Can you sit there in your apartment,
languidly typing up junior rating lists while pretending to hold down a
real job, and say with sincerity that you're not offering Queensland
juniors a raw deal?
My proposed system of organisation would provide juniors with
up-to-the-minute ratings, a glossy chess catalogue, and free money by
the bundle. What does yours offer?
Yours in 'chess',
Jacob Edwards
(traitor to the conspiracy)