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SHump
04-07-2009, 09:22 PM
It is her indoors speaking...

As an interested party, I am curious about whether chess playing has affected any of your relationships? This could be positive or a negative effects. Questions to consider:

a) Does the time away pursuing your chess interests positively or negatively affect your primary relationship - if so, how?

b) Do you include your partner in your chess pursuits? Does your partner understand chess?

c) Do you have a partner (any more)? If so, how do you balance your chess playing with your other partner-shared activities?

d) If you didn't have chess in your life, what would your passion/interest be?

I look forward to your answers, Marama

Denis_Jessop
04-07-2009, 09:28 PM
It is her indoors speaking...

As an interested party, I am curious about whether chess playing has affected any of your relationships? This could be positive or a negative effects. Questions to consider:

a) Does the time away pursuing your chess interests positively or negatively affect your primary relationship - if so, how?

b) Do you include your partner in your chess pursuits? Does your partner understand chess?

c) Do you have a partner (any more)? If so, how do you balance your chess playing with your other partner-shared activities?

d) If you didn't have chess in your life, what would your passion/interest be?

I look forward to your answers, Marama

I don't know - it didn't ruin my relationship; that was done by something else. But I had some relaxation therapy to try to improve the relationship. It didn't but my ACF rating went up 100 points :D

DJ

SHump
04-07-2009, 09:32 PM
Thanks DJ. I am glad the relaxation therapy turned out well for you. Would you prefer your next partner to be interested in chess, or doesn't it matter?

cheers, Marama

Schu
05-07-2009, 12:03 AM
a) Does the time away pursuing your chess interests positively or negatively affect your primary relationship - if so, how?

No, it the same as any of my other interests, it's just something I do.

b) Do you include your partner in your chess pursuits? Does your partner understand chess?

I've included partners in my chess pursuits somewhat when they've been interested. I played my last girlfriend a few times in chess, she was pretty clueless about it (our first game was hideously lopsided, out second was over in 11 moves, our third in 17) to start off with but she enjoyed learning and doing it together and gradually got some skills.

Funnily enough, I met the next guy she dated at my uni's chess club, and only recognised him from her facebook picture. That could have been awkward theoretically, but he's a nice guy. aaaanyway...

c) Do you have a partner (any more)? If so, how do you balance your chess playing with your other partner-shared activities?

Currently, I don't have a committed relationship, but with one of my main friends-with-benefits, most times I see her we play a game of chess or two for fun, and with previous partners I'd play the occasional game.

I don't really spend enough time on chess for it to have a serious impact on my life I guess.

d) If you didn't have chess in your life, what would your passion/interest be?

My main interest is not chess, music (singing, clarinet, piano, organ and composition) is my main interest.

kjenhager
05-07-2009, 01:18 AM
My main interest is not chess, music (singing, clarinet, piano, organ and composition) is my main interest.
well bully for you ol' chum !

Schu
05-07-2009, 01:45 AM
well bully for you ol' chum !

Hehe, well, since Taimanov managed to be a top-class concert pianist and chess player, I don't see my interests as conflicting.

Rincewind
05-07-2009, 01:50 AM
a) Does the time away pursuing your chess interests positively or negatively affect your primary relationship - if so, how?

It is something that I enjoy doing so in that sense I guess it is probably positive. You know the saying, happy husband, happy life.


b) Do you include your partner in your chess pursuits? Does your partner understand chess?

No and no and also no desire on their part to participate. I don't live and breathe chess, so I don't see this as a particular issue.


c) Do you have a partner (any more)? If so, how do you balance your chess playing with your other partner-shared activities?

We just do them at different times.


d) If you didn't have chess in your life, what would your passion/interest be?

Chess is only one passion but I went through a stage where I gave up chess for around 4 years in the late 90s because I wanted to spend more time learning woodcarving. Since resuming chess my carving has stopped. I guess they fill the same niche somehow.

Bereaved
05-07-2009, 01:52 AM
Chess is only one passion but I went through a stage where I gave up chess for around 4 years in the late 90s because I wanted to spend more time learning woodcarving. Since resuming chess my carving has stopped. I guess they fill the same niche somehow.


Both a form of pushing wood around I guess

Take care and God Bless, Macavity

Rincewind
05-07-2009, 01:55 AM
Both a form of pushing wood around I guess

I hadn't thought of it that way. :)

Take care.

Schu
05-07-2009, 01:55 AM
Both a form of pushing wood around I guess

Take care and God Bless, Macavity

Desire to make immature sexual innuendo... hard to control! (something along the lines of "shouldn't you be doing that with your wife?")

Rincewind
05-07-2009, 01:59 AM
Desire to make immature sexual innuendo... hard to control! (something along the lines of "shouldn't you be doing that with your wife?")

I think you have gotten hold of the wrong end of the stick.

MichaelBaron
05-07-2009, 11:58 AM
I doubt chess is good for relationships...unless your gf is also a chess player. It is not as spectator-friendly as soccer or tennis so when traveling to chess events - chess players are rarely accompanies by their partners.

SHump
05-07-2009, 03:04 PM
We are new to Vic, so we went together to Ballarat and Doeberl weekenders. While I was playing, my wife had a good relax/pamper in a good B&B/hotel. With others from the chess club there, it was also a chance to socialise after the games. We will do that again, for sure.

Denis_Jessop
05-07-2009, 04:15 PM
Thanks DJ. I am glad the relaxation therapy turned out well for you. Would you prefer your next partner to be interested in chess, or doesn't it matter?

cheers, Marama

A good question. I have been a recidivist bachelor for many years and I'm despairing of any new parther at my advanced age. Against that I managed briefly to have two girl friends at once after the 2003 bushfires that hit us here and they both wanted me to teach them chess. Friend A was very short term but friend B lasted for several years and I gave her a chess set and a copy of Purdy's "Guide to Good Chess" and we played a few games - she wasn't a rank beginner though claiming to be (an old story, but forgivable). Sadly that ended too but certainly not because of chess. So I think that shows at least that chess is not necessarily a deterrent - it may even be a chick magnet in the right circumstances :)

DJ

PS At 73, I need an external magnetic source and I can't afford a Ferrari :(

antichrist
05-07-2009, 05:18 PM
A good question. I have been a recidivist bachelor for many years and I'm despairing of any new parther at my advanced age. Against that I managed briefly to have two girl friends at once after the 2003 bushfires that hit us here and they both wanted me to teach them chess. Friend A was very short term but friend B lasted for several years and I gave her a chess set and a copy of Purdy's "Guide to Good Chess" and we played a few games - she wasn't a rank beginner though claiming to be (an old story, but forgivable). Sadly that ended too but certainly not because of chess. So I think that shows at least that chess is not necessarily a deterrent - it may even be a chick magnet in the right circumstances :)

DJ

PS At 73, I need an external magnetic source and I can't afford a Ferrari :(

YOu guys may laugh at me but I can have my chess and chicks too - something about me. My missus beat the best chess computer at the time (20 years ago) and I had only taught her the moves that arvo. She woke me up at 3am to tell me. Beat that.

antichrist
05-07-2009, 05:19 PM
I doubt chess is good for relationships...unless your gf is also a chess player. It is not as spectator-friendly as soccer or tennis so when traveling to chess events - chess players are rarely accompanies by their partners.

As I tell my school students - chess is like marriage - marry in haste and regret in leisure, and they look at me a bit funny.

MichaelBaron
05-07-2009, 09:58 PM
YOu guys may laugh at me but I can have my chess and chicks too - something about me. My missus beat the best chess computer at the time (20 years ago) and I had only taught her the moves that arvo. She woke me up at 3am to tell me. Beat that.

Hm...I did not even know you can have non chess playing ladies :)

Schu
06-07-2009, 02:07 AM
Why do people seem to assume that intellectual/nerdy activities mean that you can't be attractive to the other gender? ddin't they get the memo? Nerds are hot!

Mischa
06-07-2009, 02:15 AM
would like to hear from the married chess folk

SHump
06-07-2009, 09:14 AM
would like to hear from the married chess folk

I think, like I did for post #1 in this thread, let us turn over the keyboard to our other (better?!) halves and see what they have to say on this subject.:)

Not that it would necessarily be better, but another perspective can help. cheers, Scott

shan_siddiqi
06-07-2009, 10:53 PM
In my experience, when a young chess player gets into a serious long-term relationship, his rating drops by 100-200 points. The relationship is usually more detrimental to chess than vice versa. I can't count how many times I skipped a chess tournament because I knew that my gf would scoff at the prospect that I might squander a perfectly good Saturday doing something that doesn't involve her.

WhiteElephant
07-07-2009, 01:02 AM
In my experience, when a young chess player gets into a serious long-term relationship, his rating drops by 100-200 points. The relationship is usually more detrimental to chess than vice versa. I can't count how many times I skipped a chess tournament because I knew that my gf would scoff at the prospect that I might squander a perfectly good Saturday doing something that doesn't involve her.

You can use that argument for any activity or any sport.

One thing I've noticed in professional tennis is when a female player gets married her tennis improves and when a male player gets married, his tennis drops off. :) Roddick could be an exception but it's too early to tell. :)

Sunshine
07-07-2009, 01:11 AM
would like to hear from the married chess folk

Active chess stopped for me about 6 months after I met me beloved .... and realised how much I'd have to earn to keep her in the manner she expected.

I've pretty much devoted my life to earning money since then - and chess can only have a minor role in that kind of life - but I always believe I'll get back to it..

ER
07-07-2009, 09:56 AM
no soccer (again)!
no cricket(again)!
no chess (again)!
the last "again" thing (which annoyed me most) accompanied a brutal destruction of the position on the chessboard by an ignorant sweeping action with the hand of an equally ignorant, moronic person.
Pieces off the table and on the floor!
The position could and was reconstructed.
Our relationship never.
I got out of it!
I am free!
I can go to Canberra, Ballarat, Adelaide, Sydney, anywhere in the world if I wish! I can stay home, I can play if i want to or will not touch a piece for years if I don't.
Because I can!
Because it's my decision! :P
Keep your disapproving glares and your "agains" to yourself!
I don't need you!
Don't get me wrong, my relationships are important!
But my priorities come first! :)
you taught me that and thanks!

Ian Rout
07-07-2009, 11:18 AM
A good topic. Chess necessarily involves a certain amount of time on your own to play and to study (assuming you are doing it at least half-seriously) and that has to come from somewhere. But then the same is equally or more true of other interests like fishing, fixing up old cars, religion, pornography or playing other sports. Or for that matter watching other sports on TV - if going out to the chess club once a a week is detrimental to your relationship, then how much more so must it be to get up regularly at 3am to watch soccer teams playing for eleventh place in the Premier League.

Maybe the issue is not so much the time but what it does to a player's psychological condition. Coming home is not the end of the evening at the club but the start of the night of sullenly prowling the house muttering and kicking at innocent furniture and pets. This can continue into the next day or week, or for an important game there can be flashbacks for months. Especially annoying to a partner who believes there is no such thing as an important chess game.

My wife doesn't play chess (well she knows the rules, or most of them), and not being a great fan of punctuality would fall foul of the zero default time rule several times a tournament, but she has her own interests. Doing everything together may be fine for a while but I can imagine it becoming suffocating after enough years.

If you don't have the good fortune to have interests that you can share with your partner, such as fashion, shoes, shopping or Colin Firth, than compromise is necessary. I've never been asked not to play in a tournament and on the other hand I've never said that I can't go to her friend's wedding because I'm preparing a new defence to the Ruy Lopez.

JaK's approach is a radical solution but fortunately I'm not prohibited from travelling to tournaments. Occasionally I do so on my own. Normally we go away together a couple of times a year and have a holiday, part of it jointly and part of it for me playing in a weekender and for my wife pursuing other interests or looking up old friends while I'm occupied. It seems to work.

Igor_Goldenberg
07-07-2009, 11:46 AM
Chess does not hurt my relationship. My guess would be chess is like any other hobby - if the relationship is good and you balance hobbies with family, they don't have a negative effect.
If the relationship is bad, anything you do would seem to have a detrimental effect.

To answer some questions:
My wife does not play chess (knows the moves though), sometimes she goes to tournaments with me, sometimes not. Whether I go interstate/overseas to play chess depends on my family and work commitments.

My biggest chess successes (winning Doeberl, IM norms at Fiji Zonal and Queenstown classic) happened when she accompanied me on the trip.

Schu
07-07-2009, 02:25 PM
Chess does not heart my relationship.

Interesting (freudian?) slip :)

Igor_Goldenberg
07-07-2009, 02:27 PM
Interesting (freudian?) slip :)
Noted, fixed

Schu
08-07-2009, 01:29 PM
Noted, fixed

I was thinking it might have been a cross between "harm" and "hurt"

MichaelBaron
09-07-2009, 12:29 PM
I think chess players can have successful relationships as long as chess does not become their lifestyle ....I do not want to offend anyone so no names (see i am becoming more "politically correct" as i am getting older) will be given out but certain people are not relationship stock.

Reasons being:
1) Some of the chess players are ''professional chess bums" - would anyone want to marry such a guy?
2) Relatively High proportion of the chess players suffer from obvious mental problems (e.g. gambling addiction, superiority complex, dillusions, identity crisis, depression, anger management issues or even shizofrenia)
3) Large proportion of chess players are self-centered
4) Not all chess players are leading a healthy, interesting lifestyle that opposite sex finds attractive.

There is a certain chess personality...who changes his personal image almost every week....He is always trying to look like an important and influential person...and all he has been doing for the last 20 years is sitting in the chess club and playing blitz. He usually plays against very weak opposition...and makes sure that he crushes them by sacrificing all his peaces "beautifully". His victories are always accompanied by some patronizing advice for the novices :).

Another person (from another club) keeps reminding people of his chess achievements and explaining to them..how great his positional understanding is. Mind you, his rating is 1100. He is also making up stories of playing various people and beating them....For instance he was telling me once ''Remember, Michael how I beat you at Elwood chess club....bla bla bla bla" even though i am positive - i never played him in my life. He was saying this in person while looking right into my eyes. Is it skitzofrenic behaviour or not?

He also likes ''rubbing shoulders" with stronger players for instance approaching some master to say ''in my last game i followed opening from Spassky-Tal and tried to improve on Spassky's idea by.....etc"' Last that i heard of him....he was trying to become a chess arbiter, probably to look like an ''important person''

Case number 3. A guy came to Australia from overseas. Back in his home country, he was a fairly successful person - Ph.D and university lecturer. However, in Australia - he is nobody since his english is poor and he migrated at a fairly advanced age. After joining a chess club - he starts taking interest into the chessclub's affairs and becomes the club's president since nobody else wants the job. Once elected - he suddenly feels like his in a position of power and starts showing off to other members how important he is, ignores the club's members and starts making decisions single-handedly. To him - being involved in club politics gives sense of importance :).

These are just 3 cases... more cases to come later :)

ER
09-07-2009, 12:41 PM
lol
Michael if the first 4 categories represent four distinct groups of people ( I mean there is no U sign in a set representaion) I think I will stay home versusing (:P) the Internet!
I mean wouldn't you be scared?
I just thought of a 5th category (the unwashed, body odour, etc )

Watto
09-07-2009, 12:55 PM
Chess does not hurt my relationship. My guess would be chess is like any other hobby - if the relationship is good and you balance hobbies with family, they don't have a negative effect.
If the relationship is bad, anything you do would seem to have a detrimental effect.

I agree with this.


My biggest chess successes (winning Doeberl, IM norms at Fiji Zonal and Queenstown classic) happened when she accompanied me on the trip.
It's the romantic in me but I do think this is pretty nice. :)

SHump
09-07-2009, 03:21 PM
Igor, Watto and myself seem to think alike on this topic. I can also see Michael's point about how the lifestyle of some chess players would be counterproductive to making or retaining long term relationships...

As my better half started this thread, I will get her to find some time to read through them all and give her spin on it as well. And as for Igor getting his best result when his wife was there - but of course, and well done as well!! The role of a chess coach/trainer/someone to talk to cannot be underestimated. My wife does try to incentivize me (don't you just love that word), but what that means is our private arrangement.:rolleyes:

I am just hoping that I can remain interesting to her, while keeping our shared and separate activities, and not talking about chess ALL THE TIME, which seems to be my current affliction. I would book myself into CHESS PLAYERS ANONYMOUS, if it existed. I can see each meeting starting as "It is xx hours since I last thought/played chess" - hmm but is that more of a confessional?:eek:

MichaelBaron
09-07-2009, 05:00 PM
lol
Michael if the first 4 categories represent four distinct groups of people ( I mean there is no U sign in a set representaion) I think I will stay home versusing (:P) the Internet!
I mean wouldn't you be scared?
I just thought of a 5th category (the unwashed, body odour, etc )

Yes..the 5th category is there too....sigh

ER
09-07-2009, 06:31 PM
Yes..the 5th category is there too....sigh
apparently some like it tho, they visit often! ;) :whistle:

Kevin Bonham
09-07-2009, 07:56 PM
I think chess players can have successful relationships as long as chess does not become their lifestyle ....I do not want to offend anyone so no names (see i am becoming more "politically correct" as i am getting older) will be given out but certain people are not relationship stock.

Reasons being:
1) Some of the chess players are ''professional chess bums" - would anyone want to marry such a guy?
2) Relatively High proportion of the chess players suffer from obvious mental problems (e.g. gambling addiction, superiority complex, dillusions, identity crisis, depression, anger management issues or even shizofrenia)
3) Large proportion of chess players are self-centered
4) Not all chess players are leading a healthy, interesting lifestyle that opposite sex finds attractive.

So, in your view, if a person has an "obvious mental problem" does that make them "not relationship stock"?

What nonsense. Heaps of people who have mental illnesses (and what you call "mental problems" that in some cases are merely personality traits) are in relationships. Some people are even more prone to fall for those with mental problems than they are to fall for those without.

Also there are people for whom chess is a major part of their lifestyle who have successful relationships just as there are people who have successful relationships despite having major interests in just about anything else you can name. Only if chess becomes an all-consuming passion to the point where a person lives and breathes it around the clock and takes little interest in having or maintaining a relationship is there a problem.


These are just 3 cases... more cases to come later :)

So? None of those cases you gave are even one percent as ridiculous or embarrassing as the behaviour of at least three people I can think of who have been banned from this forum, yet two of those are married and a third has been.

If your post was correct then having a significant personality defect would make being in a relationship almost impossible, even if that defect was only manifested in the internal politics of an activity that a partner might not even be paying any attention to. But not only is that not the case, but even people who are pretty much complete idiots often have no problem finding true lurrrrve. After all, there are plenty of them out there of both genders and all interests, and they have always been pretty good at finding each other.

MichaelBaron
10-07-2009, 12:34 AM
So, in your view, if a person has an "obvious mental problem" does that make them "not relationship stock"?

What nonsense. Heaps of people who have mental illnesses (and what you call "mental problems" that in some cases are merely personality traits) are in relationships. Some people are even more prone to fall for those with mental problems than they are to fall for those without.

Also there are people for whom chess is a major part of their lifestyle who have successful relationships just as there are people who have successful relationships despite having major interests in just about anything else you can name. Only if chess becomes an all-consuming passion to the point where a person lives and breathes it around the clock and takes little interest in having or maintaining a relationship is there a problem.



So? None of those cases you gave are even one percent as ridiculous or embarrassing as the behaviour of at least three people I can think of who have been banned from this forum, yet two of those are married and a third has been.

If your post was correct then having a significant personality defect would make being in a relationship almost impossible, even if that defect was only manifested in the internal politics of an activity that a partner might not even be paying any attention to. But not only is that not the case, but even people who are pretty much complete idiots often have no problem finding true lurrrrve. After all, there are plenty of them out there of both genders and all interests, and they have always been pretty good at finding each other.

Lets do this....find out %age of Australians who are married....compare it with %age of our top 100 chess players who are married...lets see which% is going to turn out to be higher...

Kevin both you and me have background in research therefore both of us should accept that quantitative studies hold at least some value :).

I am not denying mentally unstable people a chance to get involved in a successful relationship but %age wise - probability of such relationships is lower.

As for %age of mental illness among chess players as compared to general population, this would make an interesting study...

Schu
10-07-2009, 02:05 AM
I think that whole line of reasoning is going to be flawed, because unless I'm missing something, it's saying that people that play chess well correlates with mental problems, and mental problems correlates with lack of success in relationships, therefore chess has a negative corellation with relationship success, but that's not how things work, partly because of the whole corellation does not equal causation thing, and partly because success at chess corellates with a lot of things that can be plenty attractive to other people: intelligence, persistence, genius, money, success, confidence, activity, leadership etc., and hell, arrogance, superiority, wild eccentricity etc for some people too.

But I would hazard the guess that the mental/personality problems common with chessplayers would probably prove more a detriment to having healthy (big emphasis on the bolded) relationships than the attractive features of some chessplayers would contribute to the health of a relaitonship, so I think TheBaron has a point.

As for the people on this and many other forums, we all know that the relative anonymity that the internet affords makes some people into much worse versions of themselves than they are in person, and especially with their partners.

Kevin Bonham
10-07-2009, 02:09 AM
Lets do this....find out %age of Australians who are married....compare it with %age of our top 100 chess players who are married...lets see which% is going to turn out to be higher...

Kevin both you and me have background in research therefore both of us should accept that quantitative studies hold at least some value :).

Yes, but not when they are testing something very different to what you originally said, which was that certain people, for various reasons, "are not relationship stock". A far more absolute statement which I see you have now retreated from considerably.

Now, there are still many reasons why your test might not be a valid one. One of these is that top 100 chessplayers may be less likely to be married on account of a younger average age. Another is that chessplayers may be more or less likely than the general public to formalise their relationships through the institution of marriage.

A more valid way to test the question would be to test what proportion of Australia's top 100 chessplayers are in a relatively long-term (>2 years) relationship and then compare that with the general population adjusted for age. But even then, it may turn out that there are many chessplayers who are capable of having stable relationships but choose not to. It would be quite difficult to conclusively test the relationship-suitability of chessplayers by the method that you mention.


As for %age of mental illness among chess players as compared to general population, this would make an interesting study...

Indeed, but maybe you should wait until someone does it instead of assuming the result. :lol:

Capablanca-Fan
10-07-2009, 06:27 AM
Before we were married, my wife knew that I was keen on chess. So she is happy for me to play my usual club night and the occasional weekender, as I was doing before. If I played much more often and left her a chess widow, then that would be a different matter. So it's all a matter of the correct balance.

Like IG, Lasker always played better with his wife around.

Brian_Jones
10-07-2009, 09:24 AM
Before we were married, my wife knew that I was keen on chess.

And so she should. :)

Why should married people not pursue all their hobbies and interests with great enthusiasm.

Our honeymoon was spent at the 1969 British Championships in Rhyl. ;)

MichaelBaron
10-07-2009, 09:44 AM
Our honeymoon was spent at the 1969 British Championships in Rhyl. ;)

No wonder both of your kids are chess-players :)

Igor_Goldenberg
10-07-2009, 11:28 AM
Like IG, Lasker always played better with his wife around.

I am immensely flattered by comparison:D

MichaelBaron
10-07-2009, 11:50 AM
I am immensely flattered by comparison:D

Igor, I believe the comparison is not between you and Lasker (e.g. comparative analysis of Goldenberg - Dragicevic and Lasker -Capablanca games) - the comparison is between your wife and his wife :owned:

Igor_Goldenberg
10-07-2009, 01:25 PM
Igor, I believe the comparison is not between you and Lasker (e.g. comparative analysis of Goldenberg - Dragicevic and Lasker -Capablanca games) - the comparison is between your wife and his wife :owned:
I'll pass on to Domagoj that he is likened to Capablanca:D

ER
10-07-2009, 01:43 PM
I'll pass on to Domagoj that he is likened to Capablanca:D
Domagoj is not married yet! :lol: although I don't think he would have any problems in finding a wife if he decided to! :lol:

bobby1972
10-07-2009, 02:37 PM
just saw this thead very funny specialy michaels post,i must say that in my younger days chess saved me from continuing many bad relationships i mean they never used to believe i was really at the chess club thank god for that :) ,i was waiting for a true believer he he he.

Thunderspirit
10-07-2009, 06:54 PM
And so she should. :)

Why should married people not pursue all their hobbies and interests with great enthusiasm.

Our honeymoon was spent at the 1969 British Championships in Rhyl. ;)

BJ, BJ, BJ... Your poor wife... If you have another honeymood, can I suggest anywhere but a chess tournament...

Desmond
11-07-2009, 12:07 AM
I reckon that if people with mental problems did not have relationships then Jerry Springer would not have had much of a career.

SHump
23-07-2009, 11:28 AM
On the subject of having your partner (or parent, if you are a kid, assuming the parent is the transport/support crew and not also playing in the tournament) at a tournament, what has or has not been appreciated by them if they choose to hang around while you play?

Perhaps this belongs in a thread like "your ideal (chess) weekender", but thoughts from your better half would be interesting to air... Having attended a few weekenders this year (Ballarat, Croydon, Canberra, Fitzroy, Ferntree Gully, Canterbury, Geelong), we have seen quite a variety of venues/locales/event organisations, that all add to the mix of the experience.

What you want/expect and what you get are not the same usually... but hey, each to their own.

Miranda
23-07-2009, 12:26 PM
My parents rarely take me to tournaments; I usually go with a group of people. I prefer this much more (and I assume my parents do too!) because it means that my parents don't have to schedule their day around my tournament and I am with my friends, not just family.

ER
23-07-2009, 02:59 PM
I was playing Ermacora in a Broadway pub venue (great venue for those who remember the early 80s) and she is there, watching, making attempts and faces to let me know he was going to "eat my pawn"!
then the disaster, after I adjusted a piece on the board she thought I actually played a move and she started making some funny gestures with her hands indicating to me that I should press the clock!!!
Ermacora went politely ballistic, I cursed (not so politely) and the arbiter - I think it was Michael Basic (not sure though) showed her the door!
She was one of my best ever relationships (still in love with her after all these years) but no more partners in my tournament games thanks! :)

ER
23-07-2009, 03:01 PM
I reckon that if people with mental problems did not have relationships then Jerry Springer would not have had much of a career.
another Boris classic! :clap:

SHump
24-07-2009, 04:33 PM
Thank you to everybody who put some very thoughtful posts together in response to my original questions about chess and relationships and whether one impacts on the other. As someone who has never played chess in her life, it has been interesting for me to observe my husband's growing passion for chess and I must admit I have become rather in awe of the complexities involved in the game. I could imagine that for some people it might become an all consuming passion, leaving very little 'head space' for a healthy relationship... hence my original post.

Thankfully, from the overall feel of the posts submitted, I am of the mind that most people are open to compromise. So, if your partner is passionate about something, it is good to support them in that passion, as long as your own needs get met. In my case, I make sure that if we go away to a chess tournament, that I enjoy my time too. As yet, I must admit that the one time I sat through a whole game at a recent weekender, there were no comfortable areas for me to sit and read (in fact I seriously thought about sitting in the car the whole time)... that got me thinking about what the chess organisers need to do to attract more people to their tournaments... maybe one problem is that partners don't want to come because of the lack of amenities etc. I am not sure how keen I would be if my husband wanted to go off to weekend tournaments all the time without me... anyway, this might be a topic for another thread. Thanks again for all your input, cheers, Marama. :clap:

Desmond
24-07-2009, 05:08 PM
My aunty once told me that she loved to watch her husband play chess. They were young then and it was before she married my uncle. He played against his brother. She didn't understand the game, just loosely knew how the pieces moved, but what she loved about it was watching the players. The concentration, the way they looked at each other and the board. She would try to guess who was winning from their expressions and how they acted. I don't think they played at a very high level but I bet they had some mighty battles.

antichrist
08-08-2009, 10:52 AM
I find chess excellent training for my relationships. What tactics to use, when to withdraw, when to push on to queen a pawn. When to create a diversion, when to gloat or shut up. When to cut and run before they get the house, money and kids. Definitely one step ahead of the opposition all the time.

(now Bill, there are no intended sexual connotations in this post at all)

Kevin Bonham
08-08-2009, 04:53 PM
I find chess excellent training for my relationships. What tactics to use, when to withdraw, when to push on to queen a pawn. When to create a diversion, when to gloat or shut up.

Shame it doesn't teach you when to shut up on here, so we have to always keep doing it for you. :rolleyes:

AlexDavies
11-08-2009, 02:16 PM
There is a certain chess personality...who changes his personal image almost every week....He is always trying to look like an important and influential person...and all he has been doing for the last 20 years is sitting in the chess club and playing blitz. He usually plays against very weak opposition...and makes sure that he crushes them by sacrificing all his peaces "beautifully". His victories are always accompanied by some patronizing advice for the novices :).

Awesome! Melbourne Chess Club sounds like a magical place. It reminds me of the Stuyvesant Chess Club described in Norman Lessing's classic chapter "Recollections of a Coffeehouse Player" in "The World of Chess". In fact, I have been inspired to try to incorporate a little humour and character into my own chess persona.